I get institutionalized more often than I would like.
"How does this keep happening?" I always ask.
Now, I think I am finally confident in the answer; a lack of proper boundaries. So called, "friends" were typically nothing more than "others who dance to rave music and smoke weed."
After I would cobble up a troupe, it would take far too long for me to find out that I was kept around merely for the things I would do for people. Rather than set proper boundaries, I would let people take advantage of me until I would get sick of it and explode.
This is usually when someone starts hitting me, I start yelling and/or the cops get called. During the limerance, however, my ego would look in the mirror and see the hero for the outcasts, and that made me feel good about myself. Good enough to keep the good times rolling. I ate up misery and doubt. It culminated into this obsidian stone I wear around my neck.
Each time my life has been reset by a psychward stay, I ended up trying the same thing with different people - assembling new rave tribes hoping one would last.
Maybe I don't do that this time. Can Shakfox exist outside of the rave bubble? Can I exist in an upright community and, for the first time ever, make real friends?
Let's find out! Hopefully mental health court takes my case.