Diphenhydramine
I just bought enough sleeping pills and melotonin to end my life. If I am gone by tonight or some time in the next couple of days, it is not due to any lack of love and support.
There is nothing more my dear family or friend could have done in order to prevent this. I am so sorry for what this might do to them.
I just can't stand waking up anymore. I am tired of trying to make ends meet. I am tired of feeling alien to all the people around me.
I sought out therapy, psychiatry, therapeutic courts, religion - all of it to try and cure the loneliness.
I had a career. I had a wife. I had a welcoming home. It all just disappeared one day because I wasn't ready to have children. I ran west to someone who promised me the world, but all that too came crumbling down in rage and fury.
I don't want to rebuild from nothing again. I keep on hitting rock bottom. I want to go to sleep, remembering the good times, and exist in them forever.
My curiosity for the afterlife is finally getting the best of me. I just want to know what is on the other side. Is it Hell or is it something better than this? I'm making a huge gamble.
Thank you if you've lived with me along the way. Thank you for reading. I am sorry for the damage I am soon to cause.
I love you all very much. I am so sorry.